este cuerpo me nutre, se nutre, nutre

este cuerpo da placer, siente placer

este cuerpo sostiene, se sostiene, me sostiene

este cuerpo sana, es sanado, me sana

este cuerpo estrecha, me estrecha y se estrecha

este cuerpo diside

este cuerpo refleja, me refleja, se refleja, es reflejo

este cuerpo ubica, es ubicado, me ubica

este cuerpo lucha

este cuerpo mira, me mira, es mirado 

este cuerpo conecta, me conecta y es conectado

este cuerpo se estremece, me estremece

este cuerpo relaciona, me relaciona, se relaciona, es relacionado

este cuerpo problematiza 

este cuerpo ama, es amado

este cuerpo construye, me construye, es construido 

este cuerpo empatiza

este cuerpo supera, se supera

este cuerpo escucha, me escucha, es escuchado

este cuerpo agradece

este cuerpo mantiene, se mantiene

este cuerpo es refugio, me refugia, refugia

este cuerpo resiste, me resiste

este cuerpo fluye

este cuerpo abraza, me abraza, se deja abrazar

este cuerpo cuida, me cuida, se cuida

English translation follows.

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this body nourishes me, nourishes others, gets nourished

this body gives pleasure, feels pleasure

this body is sustained, sustains others, sustains me

this body heals, heals me

this body tightens, tightens me and gets tightened

this body dissents

this body reflects others, reflects me, reflects itself, is a reflection

this body situates, is situated, situates me

this body strives

this body gazes, gazes at me, is gazed at

this body connects with others, connects me, is connected

this body tingles, tingles me

this body relates, relates me, relates to others, is related

this body questions

this body loves, is loved

this body builds, builds me, is built

this body empathizes

this body overcomes, overcomes itself

this body listens, listens to me, is listened to

this body is thankful

this body upholds, upholds itself

this body is a shelter, it shelters me, it shelters others

this body resists, resists me

this body flows

this body embraces, embraces me, lets itself be embraced

this body takes care of others, takes care of me, takes care of itself

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Critical commentary

The hatred that I have had for my body since I was eight often emerges from the shadows of the marketing strategies, which are allegedly based on “loving our bodies”. While the body positivity movement celebrates all bodies that do not fit the waist size of what is currently acceptable (what is supposed to be “beautiful, healthy and normal” following the white and Western norm), it does not clarify or address the reasons why so many people have such bitter and violent relationships with their bodies to begin with. They just expect that by recognizing their bodies as beautiful these relationships may mend and heal themselves. 

By skipping ’awkward’ conversations about the everyday experiences of being a fat person in this world and jumping right into the friendly hashtag (with people detailing their own journeys to inner beauty), the body positivity movement encourages people to put all their efforts into feeling better about themselves. With this, the mandate of loving their bodies is put on the shoulders of the people who inhabit them. 

The reasons why so many people hate their bodies may be based on decades of sexism and voracious capitalism, but for many of us the reasons feel real as they were taught to us since we were little, they are part of us as those ideas have constructed an expectancy of being someone of value in society. Therefore, the impact of body positivity on people who know there are instrumentalized reasons (like turning bodies into a commodity product ) why they’ve been on a diet since they were eight years old, creates a duality. On the one hand, you are told to love yourself, and on the other hand, people and certain health professionals in public spaces, on dating apps and in the world of fashion, continue to say otherwise. The effect, then, is a feeling of isolation and a twofold guilt: guilt for living in a body that does not fit in the standard as well as for not being able to change or love such body. 

Studying body theory has allowed me to see my own corporeal reality beyond the victimist approach of what it is and means in a societal structure^[1], to what it can actually do, perform and transcend. 

The understanding that the way we perceive our self and our bodies is performative  and gendered (Butler, 1985) has lead me to fully grasp and embrace my body through embodiment as a ground of culture emphasizing its potential, intentional, inter-subjective, active and relational dimension (Luz Esteban, 2004). Through this understanding, I could start caring for my body following what Mari Luz Esteban calls “corporal itineraries”, which are “individual life processes […] that always refer us to a collective, that occur within specific social structures and in which we give all the centrality to the social actions of the subjects, understood as bodily practices” (Poot Campos, 2008, p. 202). It was through incorporating bodily practices in my everyday routine (such as stretching, staying still, floating on water, meditating, cooking and enjoying the process, dancing and so on) that I found a place where caring for my body came from recognizing its capabilities, function, and potential not just to survive but to thrive as well. It was through these “corporal itineraries” that I could take care of myself, stop self-harming and work on my eating disorders. Caring comes easily when being constantly reminded that my body serves a purpose and has a meaning. Care becomes the sole conducting thread into a life worth living. 

This poem is proof of that.

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^[1]  For further reference you may read: Woman’s embodied self: feminist perspectives on identity and image, by J.C. Chrisler and I. Johnston-Robledo.